Coping Well With Conflict
CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP.
We have different personalities, needs that may clash, issues that are sensitive etc. It is often felt that conflict is a destructive element in a relationship. In some cases, it is, but when it is handled constructively it leads to growth and greater fulfilment in the relationship.
SUGGESTIONS FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT
Do not withdraw unless you need ‘time out’ to gather your thoughts. Explain that you need to have some space and will re-engage. Note that this is not avoidance behaviour.
Identify issues. “What are we fighting about?” If there are more than one, deal with them one at a time.
Don’t ‘bottle-up’ emotions. Feelings need to be expressed. Try to share them as they arise but keep them neutral eg “I am feeling very frustrated at the moment”, rather than “You are making me very frustrated.”
Stay on the subject don’t bring in other issues. Don’t raise old arguments. Attack the problem not each other. Don’t focus solely on the negatives.
Be determined to approach the discussion with a clear desire to find a solution despite the negative emotions that you may be experiencing.
To be constructive we must refrain from focussing solely on the negatives.
Avoid name calling or categorizing e.g. ‘you have always been a liar’
Back up what you are saying with fact. Don’t be vague.
Discuss all possible solutions, looking at the pro’s and con’s together and choose one solution to try.
APPLY FORGIVENESS. “To err is human, to forgive, Divine”.
