The Gift of Listening

“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
Proverbs 18:13

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice..
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell my why I shouldn’t feel that way..
You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem..
You have failed me, strange as that might seem.

Listen! All I asked, was that you listen, not to talk or do, just hear me.
Advice is cheap – everyone is willing to give me that.
And I can do things for myself. I’m not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can, and need, to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you
And get on with trying to understand what is behind this irrational feeling.
And when I can understand that, the answers are obvious,
and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we can explore them and understand
What’s behind them.

So please…listen and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn,
And I’ll listen to you.