A Few Jokes To Smile About…
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a turtle does not have a shell, is homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
One nice thing about egotists; they don’t talk about other people.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Why do shops have signs, ‘GUIDE DOGS ONLY’, The dogs cant read and their owners are blind?
SENILITY PRAYER
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
And the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
FINISHED AND COMPLETE
People say that there is no difference between “finished’ and ‘complete’.
I say there is…
Marry the right person and you’re “complete”
Marry the wrong person, and you’re “finished”
WOODEN LEG
Yesterday I bought an old Elvis Presley record at our local market. It was called “Wooden Leg.”
I said to the stall holder, “I thought it was called “Wooden Heart?”
He said, “Yes, it is, but this is a pirate copy.”
