Regret

What does the word ‘regret’ mean?  The dictionary description is: “feel or express sorrow or repentance or distress over….” an action done, not done, words said/unsaid…etc. Regret can be a healthy sign; we have feelings, a conscience, an ability to reconsider our words and actions…

However, regret can be a sharp ‘heart’ pain causing us to sink into a dark place…”Why, why did I do/say that?”

King David was so besotted when he saw the naked Bathsheba bathing on her rooftop that he was enticed into committing adultery with her and when she found she was pregnant…with her husband far away fighting in King David’s army, David issued a command that he be killed ‘in battle’, and then he married Bathsheba. Can you imagine his regret, his self-loathing?

I wonder if Hitler ever had regrets... or did he like others, and even ourselves, find ways to ‘drown our consciences’ or justify our actions like a phrase I heard, “the devil made me do it?”   

Regret is a painful emotion. We all have regrets. Regret over wrong decisions, regret over hurtful words spoken in anger, regret over actions that were not good or kind. We all have regrets, with the exception of psychopaths, a condition where this essential ‘commodity’ is lacking. However, what would you and I be like if our conscience was not alive and well, causing us to regret and hopefully put right the wrongs we have done, if that was possible, or to be so deeply remorseful that we avoid that pitfall in the future. Learning something from our mistakes.

So, do we wallow in our regrets for the rest of our lives? Beating ourselves up constantly or do we learn from our mistakes?  Do we fall into the same ‘manhole’ every day, or do we take another route?

Can I suggest a few positive actions in dealing with guilt and Regret?                                             

Firstly, we need to stop “self-justifying” or blaming others and circumstances. We have been given the freedom of choice but also the responsibility of our actions. No person can be blamed for the wrong actions we do, yes, the role of others can be acknowledged, but our actions are our responsibility.

Secondly, we need to stop beating ourselves up, “all have sinned and fall short...” The problem lies in our not learning from our mistakes, repeating them again and again. It lies in our self-deception, in our laziness – we do not take time to face our ‘demons’ and deal with them. No human being is without these challenges, they just take different forms. Some are blatant, glaring, others are hidden but equally damaging.

Someone said, “Confession is good for the soul”, and this is true, however, we need to start by breaking through the self-deception and acknowledging our wrong doings to ourselves. This is the most important step. Then to compassionately ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this?”  I firmly believe that each ‘misbehaviour’ has a root cause, and we need to have the courage to uncover that root, and, to ‘root it out’. Each successful ‘self-therapy’ will lighten our load and make us better people. There are times, however, that we might need the help of someone else on this journey and may we be guided to the right person. Regret is a necessary emotion, and it is painful, but it can lead us into peace and a better way of being. In the Lord’s prayer we ask “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who hae sinned against us”