A Prayer For Those Who Live Alone and Feel Alone

I live alone, dear Lord,
Stay by my side.
In all my daily needs.
Be Thou my Guide.

Grant me good health.
For that indeed, I pray,
To carry on my work
From day to day.

Keep pure my mind,
My thoughts, my every deed.
Let me be kind, unselfish
In my neighbour’s need.

Spare me from fire, from flood,
Malicious tongues
From thieves, from fear,
And evil ones.

In sickness of
An accidental befall,
Then humbly, Lord, I pray,
Hear Thou my call.

And when I’m feeling low,
Or in despair,
Lift up my heart,
And help me in my prayer. 

I live alone, dear Lord,
Yet have no fear,
Because I feel Your presence
Ever near.  Amen.

(Author unknown)

Making Christmas a Real Celebration

What was/is your experience of Christmas? This would be very different in the different parts of the world, for instance, as a child living in South Africa I could never understand why the Christmas cards always had pictures of snow. I had never even seen snow!

What I really came to appreciate is the family gatherings we had to celebrate Christmas. In my family of origin my Dad always cooked an awesome leg of mutton and my Mother made lovely deserts and decorated the dinner table. The tradition in Costa’s family was to have a barbeque at a picnic venue with a compulsory cricket competition after lunch. I loved, and love, the Christmas Church Services. The joy, the wonder, the timeless message …                                                    

“for God so loved the world that He gave His son..” (John 3:16)

Sadly, much of the real meaning, the real joy of Christmas has been hi-jacked by the commercial world. The shopkeepers probably say “What a friend we have in Jesus”…. As they count the takings of the days leading up to Christmas. Buying gifts to celebrate the greatest gift of all is good but it has over-shadowed the real meaning.

Perhaps a good question to ask is, “How can we re-capture the real joy of Christmas?”

• One essential factor is to actually, and practically, remember what we are  celebrating! And to teach our children the meaning of Christmas and why we give gifts.

• If you are a Church-goer, attend the Christmas Service as a priority. If you are not a Church-goer, celebrate in your own way, but always remember what the celebration is about. It is about God’s way of showing how much He values His creation through the life and death of His son.

• Also, perhaps we could consider how to extract ourselves from the commercialisation of Christmas. How can we teach our children that it is not just a time to be spoiled with too many gifts?

• We spend too much, we eat too much, we even drink too much….I think we can do better! We can truly remember, and celebrate the gift of the earthly presence of Jesus with the tag       “With love from God”

Characteristics of Self-Accepting Individuals

A person who has a strong, self-accepting attitude presents the following behavioural picture (Hamachek):

1. Believes strongly in certain values and principles and is willing to defend them even in the face of strong group opinion. Feels personally secure enough, however to modify them if new experience and evidence suggests he/she is in error.

2. Is capable of acting on own best judgement without feeling excessively guilty or regretting actions if others disapprove of what has been done.

3. Does not spend undue time worrying about what is coming tomorrow, what has happened in the past, or what is taking place in the present.

4. Has confidence to deal with problems, even in the face of failure and setbacks.

5. Feels equal to others as a person, not superior or inferior, irrespective of the differences in specific abilities, family background, or attitudes of others towards him/her.

6. Is able to take for granted that he/she is a person of interest and value to others, at least to those with whom he/she chooses to associate.

7. Can accept praise without pretence or false modesty and compliments without feeling guilty.

8. Is inclined to resist the efforts of others to dominate.

9. Is able to accept the idea and to admit to others that he/she is capable of feeling a wide range of impulses and desires, ranging from being angry to being loving, from being sad to being happy, from feeling deep resentment to feeling deep acceptance.

10. Is able to enjoy a wide variety of activities involving work, play, creative self-expression, companionship, or loafing.

11. Is sensitive to the needs of others, to accept social customs, and particularly to the idea that he/she cannot enjoy himself/herself at the expense  of others.

(Extract from REACHING OUT by David W Johnson. Prentice-Hall Inc. New Jersey)

CO-OPERATION RATHER THAN COMPETITION

We live in a competitive world; in sport, business, in achievement, wealth, etc…… and competition is good. It encourages, forces us, to be the best in whatever field we are in. I can imagine how lazy we would become if there was not competition. In High School my best friends and I were in constant competition- Cheryl would beat me to the finish line by a few seconds in the 100m event, later Vera would also outrun me, but I would be far ahead in breaststroke at the swimming gala.

Competition makes us train harder, study more, “stretch” ourselves rather than becoming lax and lazy. So, what I am saying is that competition, in its rightful place is not only good but essential for us.

But there is also the dark side of competition where it aims at breaking down our opponent, sometimes in their financial endeavours, or, as we see in politics where ‘dirt’ is dredged up, and published, to discredit them. Even if the information was false, or unsubstantiated the ‘mud’ sticks. It is called “dirty tricks”. Unfortunately, we see too much of this type of competition in our modern world!

The opposite to unhealthy competition is co-operation. People working together being mindful of the needs and roles of each other. It is not so much about “me” and “my” success but what is good for me, and my neighbour.

I found an interesting example of this in the bible recently. (don’t write off the Bible, it is full of wisdom!)  The scenario is this; John the Baptist was calling people to repent of their selfish and wicked ways. He was baptising them in the Jordan River as a symbol of “washing off the old stuff” and a new beginning. Jesus was there and asked to be baptised, but He never launched His ministry until John was arrested and imprisoned. In the Gospel of Matthew it states that only when Jesus heard that John was in prison did He begin His ministry. It says in Matthew 4:12 “When Jesus heard that John had been put into prison, he returned to Galilee” and in verse 4:17 “From that time on Jesus began to preach.”  Co-operation, not competition! Teamwork each having their role to play.

Our task is to discern when competition is healthy for all the parties, or when competition is detrimental.

Healthy and unhealthy ways to judge.

Have you ever been misjudged? It is a painful experience. You cannot defend yourself and it causes negatives such as loss of confidence, anger, sadness, etc.

Have you ever been accused of being judgemental?  It is so easy to fall into that trap for example - thoughtlessly agreeing with an item of gossip, believing ill of someone simply because of a rumour, misjudging something because of lack of investigation, etc.

So often we are guilty of snap judgements or accepting someone else’s point of view. We listen to a news report, or a current scandal, and make a decision without really knowing the facts. However, there are many types of judging……

Various types of judging:

Krino (Greek: To pronounce an opinion)

The function of this type of judging is to come to a decision, accepting something or rejecting it. To make a decision whether something is right, or wrong.

Anakrino (Greek: ‘to examine or judge’)

This is a level higher than Krino; “the process of careful study, evaluation and judgement” (J.B. Lightfoot).

It can be likened to the forensic analysis of something.

Diakrino (Greek: determine, give judgment, decide a dispute)

This takes judgement a step deeper; careful examination ‘back-and-forth’ /discern / dispute/properly investigate/ to separate, make a distinction, discriminate, to prefer.

Hopefully this would be the process in a court of law before a judgement is passed of guilty/not guilty!

In life we do have to make judgements, it shapes who we are and what we stand for and it also determines our future. How many rash decisions have led to lifetimes of misery and yet how blessed we are when we have made the right decision. However, we cannot judge others.

Martin Israel said: “When I start to tell you what is good and what is bad, and what you should do and what you shouldn’t do, I immediately fill you with my own prejudices.”

Elvis Presley’s bible went on auction Aug 2012. Many annotations on the pages. One such is:         “To judge a man by his weakest link or deed is like judging the power of the ocean by one wave.

Healthy Sleep

Getting sufficient, wholesome sleep is essential to our health and well-being, however, we do not pause often enough to check this part of our lives. Factors in our sleep hygiene that can affect our health and well-being are: snoring, sleep apnoea, shift work, poor sleeping environment, caffeine consumption, alcohol or tobacco use, babies or small children, chronic stress, unhealthy sleep patterns e.g. staying up too late. However, we are not helpless victims of circumstances etc. we do have the power to improve this area of our lives!

HEALTHY SLEEP GUIDELINES:

1. Aim to go to bed and wake up at the same time, more or less, every day.

2. Ensure that your bedroom is cool, quiet and dark.

3. Limit your screen time: blue light emitted by phones, tablets, computers and Tv’s can disrupt the body’s ability to produce melatonin- the hormone that regulates sleep. Try to avoid these for at least an hour before bedtime.

4. Try not to eat a large meal before bedtime.

5. Do not use your bedroom as a workroom, if possible.

6. Limit your intake of caffeine and alcohol as both interfere with your sleep cycle.

7. Limit the use of sleeping tablets as over-use will affect your physical, emotional and psychological well-being.

8. If you exercise before bedtime, you may feel more energized.

9. A healthy practice is to jot down all the things on your mind e.g. what you need to do the next day etc, otherwise your brain will try to remember and not relax! Include writing a to-do list. Once you have noted it, you can relax.

10. Explore a pre-sleep routine that will relax you e.g. take a relaxing, warm bath, ensure that you have settled everything for the night, lower the lights in the house and listen to calming music.

11. Try to get into sunlight during the day, this helps regulate our cycadean rhythms.

12. Avoid checking the time at night and avoid late afternoon naps.

13. Find peace as you prayerfully thank God for the good things that happened in the day, even the small things like seeing an unusual bird.

14. As you close your eyes, try to remember a pleasant place you visited or a happy memory.

15. Try relaxation exercises like tensing and relaxing your muscles from your feet to your face.

16. Do not fear your dreams – they are pathways to your unconscious world as well as a means of restoration. Remember too that God often spoke to His people through dreams.

Regret

What does the word ‘regret’ mean?  The dictionary description is: “feel or express sorrow or repentance or distress over….” an action done, not done, words said/unsaid…etc. Regret can be a healthy sign; we have feelings, a conscience, an ability to reconsider our words and actions…

However, regret can be a sharp ‘heart’ pain causing us to sink into a dark place…”Why, why did I do/say that?”

King David was so besotted when he saw the naked Bathsheba bathing on her rooftop that he was enticed into committing adultery with her and when she found she was pregnant…with her husband far away fighting in King David’s army, David issued a command that he be killed ‘in battle’, and then he married Bathsheba. Can you imagine his regret, his self-loathing?

I wonder if Hitler ever had regrets... or did he like others, and even ourselves, find ways to ‘drown our consciences’ or justify our actions like a phrase I heard, “the devil made me do it?”   

Regret is a painful emotion. We all have regrets. Regret over wrong decisions, regret over hurtful words spoken in anger, regret over actions that were not good or kind. We all have regrets, with the exception of psychopaths, a condition where this essential ‘commodity’ is lacking. However, what would you and I be like if our conscience was not alive and well, causing us to regret and hopefully put right the wrongs we have done, if that was possible, or to be so deeply remorseful that we avoid that pitfall in the future. Learning something from our mistakes.

So, do we wallow in our regrets for the rest of our lives? Beating ourselves up constantly or do we learn from our mistakes?  Do we fall into the same ‘manhole’ every day, or do we take another route?

Can I suggest a few positive actions in dealing with guilt and Regret?                                             

Firstly, we need to stop “self-justifying” or blaming others and circumstances. We have been given the freedom of choice but also the responsibility of our actions. No person can be blamed for the wrong actions we do, yes, the role of others can be acknowledged, but our actions are our responsibility.

Secondly, we need to stop beating ourselves up, “all have sinned and fall short...” The problem lies in our not learning from our mistakes, repeating them again and again. It lies in our self-deception, in our laziness – we do not take time to face our ‘demons’ and deal with them. No human being is without these challenges, they just take different forms. Some are blatant, glaring, others are hidden but equally damaging.

Someone said, “Confession is good for the soul”, and this is true, however, we need to start by breaking through the self-deception and acknowledging our wrong doings to ourselves. This is the most important step. Then to compassionately ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this?”  I firmly believe that each ‘misbehaviour’ has a root cause, and we need to have the courage to uncover that root, and, to ‘root it out’. Each successful ‘self-therapy’ will lighten our load and make us better people. There are times, however, that we might need the help of someone else on this journey and may we be guided to the right person. Regret is a necessary emotion, and it is painful, but it can lead us into peace and a better way of being. In the Lord’s prayer we ask “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who hae sinned against us”

Living Positively

(Meditate on these and, if appropriate, incorporate them into your daily living)

• Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
  “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

• Be realistic about life’s ups and downs but choose to focus on the positive aspects of your life.

• Be positive and stimulating in your conversation with every person you meet.

• Choose to see the good in all people, without being blind to their faults. Help them to know that they have worth.

• Train yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.  “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade”

• “Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”.   Thessalonians 5:16-18

• Aim for excellence; think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

• Be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

• Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future. “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..” Philippians 3:13

• Infect others with joy; give every living creature you meet a smile.
  “…the joy of the Lord is your strength”    Nehemiah 8:10

• Concentrate on the improvement of yourself so that you have no time to criticize others.

• To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

(Christian D. Larsen, adapted by Marge Stathakis)

Positively Conquering Negatives

Lord, don’t ever let me be too busy to LOVE…

My child comes running in for praise because he’s just learnt to stand on his head. 

Yes, I’m trying to meet a deadline, but don’t let me chase him away.

Don’t let me be too busy to love, Lord..

A neighbour who has just had a fight with her husband and needs a shoulder to cry on. 

I have visitors coming and I’m running late, but don’t let me be too busy to listen and, in this way, to love.

Lord, don’t let me be too busy to love…

My son who has come home from Varsity unexpectedly with a friend, who has nowhere to go – both starving! 

Don’t let me be too busy to show him how thrilled I am he’s home, and that he knows he has the freedom to bring a friend.

Don’t let me be too busy to love, Lord…

When my spouse is tired or discouraged, or excited about something that happened during the day, or simply wants my attention. 

Don’t let me be too pre-occupied with my own work frustrations, peaks and valleys, to be attentive. Don’t let me be too busy to love and listen.

And now, Lord, thank you for giving me so many people, so many opportunities to love. But please forgive me when I fail them; help them to forgive me, and me to forgive myself. You made me human and there is only so much of me to go around.

Making Friends With Our Feelings

Our feelings take us on various journeys….from ecstasy to agony, and everything in-between!!

Sometimes we wish we didn’t have feelings but what would that be like in reality?

“You have won a million dollars”, your response “OK”.

“The love of your life has died”, your response “OK”.

There is a deadness about that. Emotions give us life, in Greek ζωή (life, living, being, spirit).

But feelings can either be our friend, supporter, enhancer or our tormentor and our downfall.

Some feelings are our own, others vicariously experienced. Just watch a few movies, with this in mind, and see what I mean.

So, join with me in this section as we look at our feelings and perhaps make friends with them. Let us allow them to assist us to find greater inner peace, joy and truly experiencing life.

Identifying our feelings:

How are you feeling? Be as honest as you can and take your time to identify what your real emotions are. In a sense you are giving your feelings the dignity of being recognized. We need to often pause and ask ourselves, “How do I really feel about this?” Not what should I be feeling, but what do I really feel. Feelings are natural and neutral, however, what we do with them can either be positive or negative.

Identify them, and perhaps even have a dialogue with them, like the Psalmist when he said; “Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?” (Ps 42:5)