Better Communication in Marriage
Here are some basic rules for better communication……
Speak for yourself, use “I” for example “I am feeling..” “I would like to” and then ask your partner about their feelings.
Disclose the hidden parts of your inner experience if you really want to be understood. What you are thinking, what you are feeling, what you want to do about your situation.
Don’t attack, don’t defend, just state your case, and then ask for your partner’s views.
Listen without interruption, focus on really understanding what your partner is saying and feeling. Do not listen with your answer running.
When you understand what your partner is saying and feeling, then you can explain your thoughts and feelings.
Keep to the point being discussed, avoid deviations and red herrings.
Remember, your partner’s point of view has as much value as yours, and has the same right to be heard.
Choose a time to discuss sensitive areas when you both can bring all your faculties to bear on it. In that way you can both do justice to your points of view.
Avoid being personal or derogatory, and using such phrases as “You should…”, “You must…”, “You always…”, “You never…”
Aim for understanding and being understood, after that you can try to find some agreements or compromise.
Avoid the question “why?” as it puts the hearer on the defensive. There are many other ways of asking for information.
These rules, and others you might like to add, can help you deal with sensitive areas and gain a deeper understanding of each other’s thoughts and feelings.
